Mediation FAQ

What is divorce mediation?
Who are mediators?
How mediation can help
Now does mediation work?
Now much does mediation cost?
Does mediation work?
What is the difference between mediation and arbitration?

What is divorce mediation?

Until the last 10 years or so, just about the only course for divorcing couples was to hire lawyers to do battle for them. Often the spouses would not even speak with each other, "communicating" only through their attorneys. And attorneys proliferated. The addition of "no fault" to divorce laws has given rise to an emerging alternative for divorcing couples: mediation. Mediation is the process in which the divorcing couple works out its problems, disagreements, and marital issues with a trained, impartial third party - the mediator. The mediator assists the couple in resolving its differences in a constructive way to reach a "win/win" decision rather than the adversative "win/lose" situation.

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Who are mediators?

The mediator may be a marriage counselor, social worker, psychologist, or lawyer trained in family and divorce mediation. At present, mediation is still open turf for any of the above professions to claim. Maryland does not have any licensing requirements for mediators. At any rate, the mediator should have received formal training from a recognized program or institute, such as the Academy of Family Mediators. They should be versed in family budgeting, the law, tax consequences of divorce, and a variety of options and alternatives crucial to contemplating divorce.

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How the Mediator Can Help.

The major differences between mediators and lawyers are that the mediator assists you and your spouse in working out your disagreements together; emphasizes the restructuring of the family from a practical point of view, in addition to the legal side; pays more attention to your emotional needs; and, is impartial, representing neither you nor your spouse, but both. Unlike the legal adversarial system, mediation is more sensitive to the integrity of the marriage. It tries to build on the strengths of the relationship, avoiding the "we'll get him/her" so common with the adversarial position.

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How does mediation work?

As one mediator described the process, "Mediation is neither therapy, nor the law - it's an educational process." Usually, the couple attends an orientation session in which the mediator thoroughly explains the process of mediation such as what the couple should focus on, how they should speak to each other (keep raised voices down), and so on. The session may last for two hours.  

After the initial session, the couple attends three to eight one-and-a-half- to two-hour sessions in which the mediator will guide them to make their own decisions on how they wish to end their marriage. They analyze their budgets and needs, divide marital property, review their children's needs, and reorganize their family and life-style to fit its new structure.  Mediators place special emphasis on providing an acceptable form of continuity where children are concerned and may even include children in the sessions if warranted.

The process allows the parties to analyze their situations and to understand each other's needs as well as those of the children. It may alleviate the anger and bitterness that the couples initially may feel toward each other. It also makes the couple realize that although they may not be husband and wife, they are still parents. It encourages their cooperation with each other in determining their relationship with their children.

Once the couple decides on what they wish to do, the mediator draws up a memorandum of understanding that specifies what issues have been resolved. This statement is then given to the couple's respective attorneys, who will draw up a formal separation agreement based on the statement. Please note that many mediators are not lawyers and, therefore, may not consider all that should be necessary for a good separation agreement.

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How much does Mediation cost?

The cost of mediation varies from $100 to as much as $250 a session. (Attorneys who are mediators usually charge more than non-attorneys). It usually is requested that both parties contribute to the costs, eliminating any possible feelings that the one who pays may be getting preferred treatment. Sessions also may be held with co-mediators, a lawyer and a social worker, for example.

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Does Mediation Work?

Statistics show that court-ordered child support and alimony payments tend to lag after two years and tend to be ignored entirely after five years. Experience so far has shown that people tend to abide by agreements reached through mediation.